Weakness stretches out as endless rolling plains. One thing do I see among those hills. Like clouds and leaves and birds and insects twisting in chorus around the expanse. Your grace.

Too woke to be silent.
Too comfortable to fight.
Complicit in the violence.
All talk no bite.

As the grind passes by or so they say
my mind wanders out to a far off place
Or is it near? It’s always here
The far off place is always near
Far from reality or is it just that?
Should I be angry when I get snapped back?
In this place I live, in this space I survive
but it is in the other that I feel so alive
So repetitive so mindless when I live to survive
It chokes out the reality in which I thrive
So, what goes on inside my mind?
It’s the place where things are hard to find
The place where dreams are born and come true
It’s also the place that keeps me from You
and you and you – and you and you and you
It’s the place that keeps me from the truth
A retreat from the reality where things feel off
It’s a retreat from the reality of where I’m off to
Endless possibility wherever I am
withdrawn apathy, high when I can
It’s a beautiful oasis where creativity thrives
With white sand, blue water and palms, paradise
But just beneath the surface, pressure is buildin
Tension brewin, nuclear waste accruin, disaster’s a shoein
I need to escape before it can kill me
Lose the baby with the bath water
it’s Jekyll and Hyde
In the place where things are hard to find

The pains of morning
Gluttony, lust, greed, wrath, pride
I’m hungry for death

On Romans 7:15

My soul’s been weepin
An ocean of tears
The waters risin
thrustin me into the deep
Your law bound me to the sea
My flesh plots mutiny
You thunder
Like to my siblings before
‘let down your net for a catch’
A rare moment, im trustin
Weathered hands pullin linen
War torn, salt dried hands
And up to the surface
144 beating hearts
A perfectly pulsing mass
Then I see it, my flesh
Weathered hands hold it
It thrashes free and dives to the deep
I’m lost at sea
My flesh plots mutiny
I look up
Tears rainin down on my cheek
Waters risin again
Thrustin me into the deep

I’m sorry
Forgive me for the way I look at you
the associations I make with you
I used to think of you fondly
I thought I knew you
I’m sorry for the lens I see you through
believed the lies they told about you
They told me you were theirs
that they deserve you
Whispered in my ear, waved you in my face
I let them
Heartbreaking what you’ve watched them do
They made you part of that too
Oh say, can you see
dead patriots in your wake
the genocide, murder and rape
You’ve been front row for the ugly and worse
Your glory faded fast
or maybe it never came through
Like a beating, now they’ve turned you black and blue
and constantly disgrace the idea of you
Then piss and moan when we take a knee
The same snowflakes who invented the name
Their cries are diesel in my veins
You’re one of them now and you had no choice
From torn cloaks they formed you
a god to go before them
Just beneath your colors lives their cross and flame
He hopes we forget from where you came
In your shadow they eat, drink, and play
Say they love Jesus, but that’s a lie too
If they pledged allegiance it could actually clean you
and make America the great that it never was
Under God, imagine what we can do
No more blood on trees blood on streets hue
Bodies cold, dumped in rivers blue
It takes a sinner to see one
They know what they do
And at twilight’s last gleaming
we know who we are, with or without you

Oh patriot

America won
and traitor rebels lost, yet
you still fly their flag

Just beyond, the sun is shining, children are playing, lovers mingle, the old feel young, tiny moments live large, excitement fills the air.
Moving on a long time now.
Been moving on in the snow.
The world is grey.
Step by step, the progress is slow.
The white flakes are an ocean on my shoulder.
Up to my neck, a spec in the vast expanse.
Bobbing, suspended in the current.
Darkness falls, dragged to and fro.
Squinting into the face of the deep.
I’m told my savor’s in that void.
My thoughts prowl in the shadows
an insatiable hunger for my harm.
Even my good deeds are toxic.
I’m afraid to fade.
Close, open.
Back to the snow.
Step by step uncertainty crackles below.
Row upon row of asbestos homes
on into the cold
and nowhere to go.
Dope would fix this, if it could fool me twice.
What is it all for?
Is it really better out there?
And just beyond, the sun is shining, children are playing, lovers mingle, the old feel young, tiny moments live large, excitement fills the air.

When I wandered off, just 5 years old
The path was condemned, didn’t need to be told
Stood in the doorway a handful of years
Stepped into the dark and started new fears
Constantly bending to my knees
A. Ursula’s flesh against my cheek
Her jewel in my hand to ward off tears
Buried that tumor deep inside
Now serpent just waits, mouth open wide
patient for me to find her
I knowingly place my arm inside
praying that fang meets vein
Flying skyhigh, all starry eyed
soaring as light gets lost
Awake now filthy, sick, and tied
gnashing and ripping in vain
Then in his eyes all blazing wide
he shatters my gem to dust
the shackles were never there
How do I cope with the shame inside
that’s been a lifelong refrain
Miracle came after twentyfive
i’m a prodigal son if there ever was one
Light

We grow great by dreams. We little men are not dreamers. We grow bold from the lingering stench of our rotting ancestors and prophecies on the backs of our eyelids. Our dreams must die while others you nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always when we who sincerely blind have passed away.
What Woodrow Wilson meant to say.

Crack of sticks and slush of muck
The air’s too thick, can’t catch my breath
Hippos ride and control the tides
We walk and grind, walk and grind
And spiral toward the other side
Every opinion matters most
I long, eyes closed to see the coast